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Book Review: Real Service

Real Service Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny First published in 2011 As the name implies, this book is all about service. It's filled with useful information about styles of service, the power dynamics of service, and practical information about serving. It's also has helpful lists to help you figure out your own style. They keep the text grounded in real experiences and stories while also providing insightful abstractions to illustrate key concepts. This was a fantastic book, and I learned a lot from it. I quite liked Joshua's four rules of service. The first in particular deserves to be repeated widely: "If the master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service." Another part I found fascinating are the three motivations for submission: transactional (doing it for pleasure, payment, or other personal gains), devotional (doing it out of love for the master), and positional (doing it because you are meant to). They talk about the advantages and disadvantages of each, and
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Book Review: The Control Book

The Control Book by Peter Masters This book digs very deeply into control, and especially how to take and maintain control. It argues that most dominants have a natural ability to control, but a conscious understanding of the process can help us to improve and optimize our technique. I immediately connected with the book. I enjoyed the clear and deliberate style of the author, and found the natural progression of the content and level of detail to be perfect. My excitement started to deteriorate in the last half; it was all thoughtful and still useful content, but it felt a bit too forced to keep the conversation going. I also want to say that this is, to date, the best quality BDSM book I've read, though this is hardly a high bar to meet. A key theme of the book is understanding and appreciating the difference between conscious, subconscious, and unconscious effects. Effectively using all three types of reactions in ourselves and in our submissives will maximize your ability as a

The Effects of Orgasm Denial

Chastity and orgasm control have been a favourite of mine ever since I first discovered them. I like the appearance of most chastity belts / devices, and the symbolism of wearing one fits my style well. I especially like the way a sub develops a drive to serve when they can't get off. And because orgasm control can be practiced easily over distance, even without a chastity device, it's probably the kink with which I have the most experience. I am often asked how long I like to keep subs between orgasms, but the answer depends on a few factors. It depends on how I want to train the sub, on their moods, and how sexually active they are. I also like to keep subs ignorant about when their next orgasm might come, but that's a story for another day. As a sub is kept without orgasm, they seem to go through phases. Each has a unique experience, with it's own benefits and drawbacks. For me, finding the ideal duration for a sub means figuring out which of these phases is best for

Incidental Orgasms

We were laying in bed, about to go to sleep. I was tired, but I also wanted an orgasm. The terms of our new deal were pretty clear, but it had only been about a month, so I felt uncertain demanding sex out of the blue. As equals, there would have been foreplay, and both of us working to make each other happy. I was far too tired for any of that, but I didn't want to sneak off to the other room to masturbate either. I decided to take a chance. I just rolled onto my back and told her to start fucking me. Influence is this invisible capacity we all have to make someone else do something. Understanding the amount of influence we have with each submissive is a crucial part of domination. Every time we use our influence, if we are successful, we get more. The more we have, the more we can make a submissive do. But any time we fail, it gets weakened. This force is the most delicate at the beginning of any kinky relationship. It's hard to know how much we have, and any failure can

The New Deal

We were having a great night, celebrating our twelfth wedding anniversary. We pulled the car over on the way home from dinner so we could watch the sun set. A couple years before this would have been no big deal, but now, having even this tiny bit of quiet privacy was a special treat. My parents were babysitting our young son. It was the first date night we'd had in maybe half a year. Could it really be that long? How the time has flown by... I can still picture the puffy little clouds on the horizon, back lit by a tranquil pink sky. I was staring furiously at them because I was flooded with anxiety. We were talking about our sex life. This had been a source of much pain and frustration for most of our marriage, if I'm honest. Things had not magically improved since becoming parents. She was telling me how she wished I would play with her more. I preferred to think of us as a dominant couple; whenever I thought about playing with her, I would be overcome with guilt and fe

The Vanilla Pill

If someone offered you a pill that would make you happy with a vanilla sex life, would you take it? This is a question I like to ask myself sometimes, but the answer I give myself is always the same: no. I must admit, sometimes it's tempting. The temptation now is maybe the highest it's even been... I've been experiencing something of a long winter. The last time I played with a sub in person was just over 2 years ago. The last time before that was in 2013. Kink is a powerful mechanism for me to purge the crap I accumulate in life, and being unable to use it is hard. This lifestyle has been hard on me generally. I have spent far more time frustrated than happy. I've had my heart broken again and again, searching for something that I can never seem to find. As the time stretches on, I start to wonder if I ever will find it. And then I start to wonder if I would even be happy if I did. It's been so long now, I worry about meeting someone and freezing up. What

The Entrance Ritual

Whenever a sub comes into our home, they go through the same ritual. After being buzzed in the front door, they come up the stairs and enter our apartment without knocking. The door won't be locked, but they are to lock it after they come in. They don't announce that they've arrived, and we don't welcome them in. Right there at the entrance they will find a large plastic box that has been set out for them. Still silent, they remove everything they are wearing and put it in the box. Everything they own: wallet, phone, even shoes go into the box. Their entire life gets put away for their visit. The box is closed, and left there by the door until we are done. Now that they are ready, they wait on hands and knees with eyes on the floor. Sometimes I'll let them wait a bit, but I'm often too excited to wait for long. This is when I might say hello. Now that they are naked, I am willing to interact. We may exchange a bit of small talk, or I might place a collar a