I have always been fascinated by the mental effects of kinky play. It seems paradoxical that after a scene involving inescapable physical and mental discomfort, and even when not ending in an orgasm, a sub can feel a tremendous sense of relief. How can tying a guy down and squeezing his balls while he begs you to stop help him unwind from a stressful week? I have a theory.
Meditation is often perceived as sitting cross-legged, burning incense, and drinking tea, but that is just one of many techniques. Some people repeat words over and over, some repeat actions, others concentrate completely on their breathing. Sufi Dervishes spin in circles. Native Americans go on long walks until physically and mentally exhausted. Ancient Celts would balance large rocks on their chests, forced to keep their stomachs tight to prevent being crushed.
Each technique has it's own quirks and explanations, but the part that makes it meditation is that it does one simple (but not easy) thing: temporarily stopping the voice in your head.
While bound, gagged, blindfolded, nipple clamps biting down, and a Dom/me beating a steady rhythm with a cane, it would be hard for the best of us to concentrate. Throw in the flood of hormones that accompany intense sexual arousal, and it's easy to see how kink can alter your mental state.
When a sub surrenders to their predicament, letting go of themselves and just experiencing what is happening, they are meditating. This is, I believe, the reason why kink can have such a profoundly positive effect. Not all scenes are meditation; succeeding takes a complex mix of trust, distraction, and focus that is different for every person, but even if you don't get the full effect, you can still feel a lot better simply getting close.
Unfortunately, us dominants don't get the same benefits from play time. We might have a blast getting our rocks off, but for that feeling of deep inner peace our best bet is still the dollar-store incense.
Because of the way play time affects the mind, it's important to give a sub time to cool down afterwards. This is especially true when playing with someone new to BDSM. For any new sub, I insist on at least an hour after a scene, and I'm prepared to keep them longer or drive them home if they aren't ready.
Although rare, sometimes playing brings out memories or feelings that are not so fun to deal with. It will probably ruin a good afternoon, but the experience can still be cathartic if handled carefully. A dominant should constantly monitor the psychological state of a sub and be ready to stop or change gears when needed.
Next time you find yourself helpless and at the mercy of a Dom/me you trust, try relaxing your mind and see how far you can go. It may be the best session you've had in a while.
Meditation is often perceived as sitting cross-legged, burning incense, and drinking tea, but that is just one of many techniques. Some people repeat words over and over, some repeat actions, others concentrate completely on their breathing. Sufi Dervishes spin in circles. Native Americans go on long walks until physically and mentally exhausted. Ancient Celts would balance large rocks on their chests, forced to keep their stomachs tight to prevent being crushed.
Each technique has it's own quirks and explanations, but the part that makes it meditation is that it does one simple (but not easy) thing: temporarily stopping the voice in your head.
While bound, gagged, blindfolded, nipple clamps biting down, and a Dom/me beating a steady rhythm with a cane, it would be hard for the best of us to concentrate. Throw in the flood of hormones that accompany intense sexual arousal, and it's easy to see how kink can alter your mental state.
When a sub surrenders to their predicament, letting go of themselves and just experiencing what is happening, they are meditating. This is, I believe, the reason why kink can have such a profoundly positive effect. Not all scenes are meditation; succeeding takes a complex mix of trust, distraction, and focus that is different for every person, but even if you don't get the full effect, you can still feel a lot better simply getting close.
Unfortunately, us dominants don't get the same benefits from play time. We might have a blast getting our rocks off, but for that feeling of deep inner peace our best bet is still the dollar-store incense.
Because of the way play time affects the mind, it's important to give a sub time to cool down afterwards. This is especially true when playing with someone new to BDSM. For any new sub, I insist on at least an hour after a scene, and I'm prepared to keep them longer or drive them home if they aren't ready.
Although rare, sometimes playing brings out memories or feelings that are not so fun to deal with. It will probably ruin a good afternoon, but the experience can still be cathartic if handled carefully. A dominant should constantly monitor the psychological state of a sub and be ready to stop or change gears when needed.
Next time you find yourself helpless and at the mercy of a Dom/me you trust, try relaxing your mind and see how far you can go. It may be the best session you've had in a while.
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