Fiendish Confessions

Real Service Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny First published in 2011 As the name implies, this book is all about service. It's filled with useful information about styles of service, the power dynamics of service, and practical information about serving. It's also has helpful lists to help you figure out your own style. They keep the text grounded in real experiences and stories while also providing insightful abstractions to illustrate key concepts. This was a fantastic book, and I learned a lot from it. I quite liked Joshua's four rules of service. The first in particular deserves to be repeated widely: "If the master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service." Another part I found fascinating are the three motivations for submission: transactional (doing it for pleasure, payment, or other personal gains), devotional (doing it out of love for the master), and positional (doing it because you are meant to). They talk about the advantages and disadvantages of each, and ...

The Control Book by Peter Masters This book digs very deeply into control, and especially how to take and maintain control. It argues that most dominants have a natural ability to control, but a conscious understanding of the process can help us to improve and optimize our technique. I immediately connected with the book. I enjoyed the clear and deliberate style of the author, and found the natural progression of the content and level of detail to be perfect. My excitement started to deteriorate in the last half; it was all thoughtful and still useful content, but it felt a bit too forced to keep the conversation going. I also want to say that this is, to date, the best quality BDSM book I've read, though this is hardly a high bar to meet. A key theme of the book is understanding and appreciating the difference between conscious, subconscious, and unconscious effects. Effectively using all three types of reactions in ourselves and in our submissives will maximize your ability as a ...

Chastity and orgasm control have been a favourite of mine ever since I first discovered them. I like the appearance of most chastity belts / devices, and the symbolism of wearing one fits my style well. I especially like the way a sub develops a drive to serve when they can't get off. And because orgasm control can be practiced easily over distance, even without a chastity device, it's probably the kink with which I have the most experience. I am often asked how long I like to keep subs between orgasms, but the answer depends on a few factors. It depends on how I want to train the sub, on their moods, and how sexually active they are. I also like to keep subs ignorant about when their next orgasm might come, but that's a story for another day. As a sub is kept without orgasm, they seem to go through phases. Each has a unique experience, with it's own benefits and drawbacks. For me, finding the ideal duration for a sub means figuring out which of these phases is best for...

We were laying in bed, about to go to sleep. I was tired, but I also wanted an orgasm. The terms of our new deal were pretty clear, but it had only been about a month, so I felt uncertain demanding sex out of the blue. As equals, there would have been foreplay, and both of us working to make each other happy. I was far too tired for any of that, but I didn't want to sneak off to the other room to masturbate either. I decided to take a chance. I just rolled onto my back and told her to start fucking me. Influence is this invisible capacity we all have to make someone else do something. Understanding the amount of influence we have with each submissive is a crucial part of domination. Every time we use our influence, if we are successful, we get more. The more we have, the more we can make a submissive do. But any time we fail, it gets weakened. This force is the most delicate at the beginning of any kinky relationship. It's hard to know how much we have, and any failure can...

If someone offered you a pill that would make you happy with a vanilla sex life, would you take it? This is a question I like to ask myself sometimes, but the answer I give myself is always the same: no. I must admit, sometimes it's tempting. The temptation now is maybe the highest it's even been... I've been experiencing something of a long winter. The last time I played with a sub in person was just over 2 years ago. The last time before that was in 2013. Kink is a powerful mechanism for me to purge the crap I accumulate in life, and being unable to use it is hard. This lifestyle has been hard on me generally. I have spent far more time frustrated than happy. I've had my heart broken again and again, searching for something that I can never seem to find. As the time stretches on, I start to wonder if I ever will find it. And then I start to wonder if I would even be happy if I did. It's been so long now, I worry about meeting someone and freezing up. What ...

Social anxiety is something I have struggled with for my entire adult life. It doesn't prevent me from living a life that is mostly normal, but it can be a nuisance. Every now and then I'll have a reaction that's more unpleasant. For whatever reason, kinky gatherings cause an extremely strong reaction for me. In spite of that, my wife and I recently attended our first kinky meeting. It was a small gathering I found on fetlife for kinksters attending a convention. We were dressed as characters from an anime, but that was encouraged in the invitation. It was really great. Everyone made an effort to talk to us and make us feel welcome. Starting out with a group that was nerdy like us also helped. I felt safe, and comfortable. It was exactly the kind thing I want to do regularly, except that getting there was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not talking about the standard shyness that anyone might feel. The wiring in my brain started malfunctioning almost con...

A few years back I noticed that my dominant impulses become different depending who I'm talking to. My desires, tone and personality can all change a fair bit. Even the kinks that interest me can vary. It's as if I become a different dominant with every new sub that I meet. These changes only appear when I get to know someone. The more compatible they are, the more attached I become, the stronger the impulses become. When I meet someone I really click with, I can't help myself; I itch to torment them. If we haven't agreed to play, it can be difficult for me to wait. It seems supernatural. As I get closer to someone, the right buttons seem to stand out on their own. I've always believed that intuition is a big part of attraction, so it's not unimaginable to me, but it might be hard to believe if you've never experienced it yourself. Some of the best Dom/mes I know experience the same, so I know I'm not imagining it. These impulses often line up with...

Although I thoroughly enjoyed the scenes I did with K, the most interesting part for me was keeping him submissive between them. It was a new experience for all of us, and a good opportunity to test what it would be like to have a live-in slave. There were, however, a couple challenges that I didn't expect. From the moment I pulled the towel away from him, K required my permission to do anything except drink water and use the bathroom. From that moment, he was no longer an equal. Until the day that he left, he was expected, and occasionally reminded, to observe these restrictions. This started like any other scene; we were all thinking about what we were doing. He didn’t make many mistakes, but when he did they were easily corrected. After a day, it became more difficult to focus. A few times he randomly did something without thinking about it, and I wouldn't always notice. I was surprised by how difficult it was to keep myself focused after the first day, but when I did, h...

I am constantly running into the opinion that cats are impossible to train. It is true that they can be stubborn, difficult, and even manipulative themselves, but they can still be trained. It's not easy, and it can take some time, but it can be done. If you don't have a cat, these tricks will work just as well with a human, even if they aren't wearing kitty ears. The key to training a cat is understanding that it is an emotional creature. It has desires and needs, and you can use them to your advantage. If you make a cat do what you want, and keep it doing what you want, those changes become habits. If you keep encouraging the habits of you like, and discouraging the habits you don't like, your enjoyment of your pet will constantly improve. 1) Exploiting Natural Urges and Desires The way to manipulate a cat is to harness it's natural urges. Hunger is an easy choice. If you delay feeding a cat until it does something you want, it will take the hint quickly. I...

I have always been fascinated by the mental effects of kinky play. It seems paradoxical that after a scene involving inescapable physical and mental discomfort, and even when not ending in an orgasm, a sub can feel a tremendous sense of relief. How can tying a guy down and squeezing his balls while he begs you to stop help him unwind from a stressful week? I have a theory. Meditation is often perceived as sitting cross-legged, burning incense, and drinking tea, but that is just one of many techniques. Some people repeat words over and over, some repeat actions, others concentrate completely on their breathing. Sufi Dervishes spin in circles. Native Americans go on long walks until physically and mentally exhausted. Ancient Celts would balance large rocks on their chests, forced to keep their stomachs tight to prevent being crushed. Each technique has it's own quirks and explanations, but the part that makes it meditation is that it does one simple (but not easy) thing: temporar...