Fiendish Confessions

Real Service Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny First published in 2011 As the name implies, this book is all about service. It's filled with useful information about styles of service, the power dynamics of service, and practical information about serving. It's also has helpful lists to help you figure out your own style. They keep the text grounded in real experiences and stories while also providing insightful abstractions to illustrate key concepts. This was a fantastic book, and I learned a lot from it. I quite liked Joshua's four rules of service. The first in particular deserves to be repeated widely: "If the master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service." Another part I found fascinating are the three motivations for submission: transactional (doing it for pleasure, payment, or other personal gains), devotional (doing it out of love for the master), and positional (doing it because you are meant to). They talk about the advantages and disadvantages of each, and ...

The Control Book by Peter Masters This book digs very deeply into control, and especially how to take and maintain control. It argues that most dominants have a natural ability to control, but a conscious understanding of the process can help us to improve and optimize our technique. I immediately connected with the book. I enjoyed the clear and deliberate style of the author, and found the natural progression of the content and level of detail to be perfect. My excitement started to deteriorate in the last half; it was all thoughtful and still useful content, but it felt a bit too forced to keep the conversation going. I also want to say that this is, to date, the best quality BDSM book I've read, though this is hardly a high bar to meet. A key theme of the book is understanding and appreciating the difference between conscious, subconscious, and unconscious effects. Effectively using all three types of reactions in ourselves and in our submissives will maximize your ability as a ...

If someone offered you a pill that would make you happy with a vanilla sex life, would you take it? This is a question I like to ask myself sometimes, but the answer I give myself is always the same: no. I must admit, sometimes it's tempting. The temptation now is maybe the highest it's even been... I've been experiencing something of a long winter. The last time I played with a sub in person was just over 2 years ago. The last time before that was in 2013. Kink is a powerful mechanism for me to purge the crap I accumulate in life, and being unable to use it is hard. This lifestyle has been hard on me generally. I have spent far more time frustrated than happy. I've had my heart broken again and again, searching for something that I can never seem to find. As the time stretches on, I start to wonder if I ever will find it. And then I start to wonder if I would even be happy if I did. It's been so long now, I worry about meeting someone and freezing up. What ...

Whenever a sub comes into our home, they go through the same ritual. After being buzzed in the front door, they come up the stairs and enter our apartment without knocking. The door won't be locked, but they are to lock it after they come in. They don't announce that they've arrived, and we don't welcome them in. Right there at the entrance they will find a large plastic box that has been set out for them. Still silent, they remove everything they are wearing and put it in the box. Everything they own: wallet, phone, even shoes go into the box. Their entire life gets put away for their visit. The box is closed, and left there by the door until we are done. Now that they are ready, they wait on hands and knees with eyes on the floor. Sometimes I'll let them wait a bit, but I'm often too excited to wait for long. This is when I might say hello. Now that they are naked, I am willing to interact. We may exchange a bit of small talk, or I might place a collar a...

There are two rules that I require for everyone I play with. I apply them online, and and real life, making sure to discuss them seriously before getting into anything beyond flirting. They are not always easy, but they are important to me, so I will not play with anyone who will not follow them. Rule #1 : You must always be honest with me. As a dominant, it's my responsibility to protect those that I play with. When I push someone physically and emotionally, I need to make sure that they are within their limits. It's is essential that I be able to ask questions like, "does your jaw hurt?" or "how are you feeling?" and get an honest answer. One subtlety here is that I'm not promising to be honest in return. It's not my intention to be deceitful, but sometimes it's fun to play with a subs brain as well. For example, I might adjust the clocks before letting a sub out of sensory deprivation, or set out a scary toy that I don't plan to use ...

A few years back I noticed that my dominant impulses become different depending who I'm talking to. My desires, tone and personality can all change a fair bit. Even the kinks that interest me can vary. It's as if I become a different dominant with every new sub that I meet. These changes only appear when I get to know someone. The more compatible they are, the more attached I become, the stronger the impulses become. When I meet someone I really click with, I can't help myself; I itch to torment them. If we haven't agreed to play, it can be difficult for me to wait. It seems supernatural. As I get closer to someone, the right buttons seem to stand out on their own. I've always believed that intuition is a big part of attraction, so it's not unimaginable to me, but it might be hard to believe if you've never experienced it yourself. Some of the best Dom/mes I know experience the same, so I know I'm not imagining it. These impulses often line up with...

The various scenes I've done over the years have been a lot of fun, but it was always just that, fun. I have long felt the need to try something deeper, something more serious. I keep thinking about finding someone to join our household, some mix between a friend, a servant, and a pet. K can't become that for us for various reasons, but when he came to visit, it created a perfect opportunity to see what it would be like. We did a lot of things while he was here, but we spent the most time just socializing while keeping him in a submissive role. We took away his clothing and belongings, kept him off the furniture, and treated him generally like a pet. We touched him and played with him whenever we wanted. If he resisted, we swiftly reminded him of his position, then resumed doing whatever we wanted. We stayed around him whenever we were awake, and locked him to his bed with a short chain around his neck when we weren't. This was exactly how I always imagined it would g...

Although I thoroughly enjoyed the scenes I did with K, the most interesting part for me was keeping him submissive between them. It was a new experience for all of us, and a good opportunity to test what it would be like to have a live-in slave. There were, however, a couple challenges that I didn't expect. From the moment I pulled the towel away from him, K required my permission to do anything except drink water and use the bathroom. From that moment, he was no longer an equal. Until the day that he left, he was expected, and occasionally reminded, to observe these restrictions. This started like any other scene; we were all thinking about what we were doing. He didn’t make many mistakes, but when he did they were easily corrected. After a day, it became more difficult to focus. A few times he randomly did something without thinking about it, and I wouldn't always notice. I was surprised by how difficult it was to keep myself focused after the first day, but when I did, h...

I am extremely flattered by the trust that K showed me. Not only did he travel to a new country to meet me, and allow me to bind and play with him, but he also trusted me to be the first male Dom he's played with sexually. Sexual play has never been a main attraction for me, but breaking in a new guy is a treat that's hard to turn down. The more time he spent with us, the more comfortable we all became with him in a submissive role. At first he was constantly covering himself, shying away when we looked, but over time he became more confident, more relaxed, and more available to be played with. After a day of gentle play, he started showing hints that he was willing to go further. When I half-seriously suggested oral, I was surprised by his willingness. I shouldn’t have been surprised though; it's normal for a sub to build trust at an accelerated rate during play. It could have been hormones as well, but as best as I could tell, the offer was sincere. We talked about it...

I first met K more than 3 years ago in a chat room. We became friends quickly, and it only grew from there. I often wanted to experience his uniquely delicate style of submission, but because of the distance between us, it always seemed like an impossible fantasy. When my wife suggested we invite him to visit us earlier this year, I was obviously excited. It wasn't until we started talking about it seriously that I realized how risky it would be. If I meet someone local in a public restaurant, it's easy to walk away if I get a bad feeling; when someone shows up at the door with a suitcase, it's harder to back out. It was worse for K. Not only would he be totally dependent on us as our guest, but it would also be his first trip to Canada. A video chat between the three of us helped considerably. I've met people who have turned out to be very different in person than they were in a chat window. Adding video and sound allowed me to see his personality, and judge his em...

I am constantly running into the opinion that cats are impossible to train. It is true that they can be stubborn, difficult, and even manipulative themselves, but they can still be trained. It's not easy, and it can take some time, but it can be done. If you don't have a cat, these tricks will work just as well with a human, even if they aren't wearing kitty ears. The key to training a cat is understanding that it is an emotional creature. It has desires and needs, and you can use them to your advantage. If you make a cat do what you want, and keep it doing what you want, those changes become habits. If you keep encouraging the habits of you like, and discouraging the habits you don't like, your enjoyment of your pet will constantly improve. 1) Exploiting Natural Urges and Desires The way to manipulate a cat is to harness it's natural urges. Hunger is an easy choice. If you delay feeding a cat until it does something you want, it will take the hint quickly. I...

When spending time online in chat rooms and forums you get to meet people with varying attitudes and opinions. I get along with most, and am usually not bothered by beliefs even radically different to my own, but there are some exceptions. For example: this notion that submissives are somehow inferior or unworthy of basic rights, and dominants are magically smarter, wiser, better, and entitled to anything we want. First of all, it's not sincere. I like humility in a submissive, but if they honestly believe they are worthless then they should be getting professional help. As I've mentioned before , I prefer submissives that are confident and strong. Constant self-deprecation becomes tiresome quickly. Being told that I am superior is also a nuisance. I work hard to be a good Dom. I work hard to be good in my career, to be good to my wife, and to be a better person generally. I'm proud of who I am, but I'm a long way from being a superior being. I like to be appreciat...

CatInACage posted this question  on a forum I sometimes visit: I've been in a relationship with my partner for just over 2 and a half years now. I've been pretty well into the kink of life, but he's rather vanilla about sex. Unfortunately, we don't actually have it very often. In fact, out of the 2 and a half years we've been together, we once went a whole year plus without sex; the rest of the time, it's been an average of bi-monthly to quarterly. He's just not a very sexually-oriented individual, and that's fine. But the problem is that I'm 10 years his junior and CONSTANTLY horny. I joke about sex frequently with him. I try not to make a big deal of it. But the reality is, I miss that intimacy. The funny thing is, I also miss chastity as well. I had a CB3000 that my then-Master bought me for my birthday about 3 years ago (before I met my partner), and I absolutely adored it. But then the stabiliser pins broke and I had to discard it, which reall...

I have always been fascinated by the mental effects of kinky play. It seems paradoxical that after a scene involving inescapable physical and mental discomfort, and even when not ending in an orgasm, a sub can feel a tremendous sense of relief. How can tying a guy down and squeezing his balls while he begs you to stop help him unwind from a stressful week? I have a theory. Meditation is often perceived as sitting cross-legged, burning incense, and drinking tea, but that is just one of many techniques. Some people repeat words over and over, some repeat actions, others concentrate completely on their breathing. Sufi Dervishes spin in circles. Native Americans go on long walks until physically and mentally exhausted. Ancient Celts would balance large rocks on their chests, forced to keep their stomachs tight to prevent being crushed. Each technique has it's own quirks and explanations, but the part that makes it meditation is that it does one simple (but not easy) thing: temporar...

I spend a fair bit of time chatting online in kinky forums. It's a good way to meet people and learn about the lifestyle. It's not so good for finding people to play with, but that's another post. Most kinky forums share a common etiquette for naming: Dominants use upper case letters (ex: TheDom) submissives use lower case letters (ex: thesub) square brackets and curly braces indicate collaring (ex: thesub{TD}) I see this used pretty much everywhere: chat rooms, dating sites, news groups. It's logical and easy to understand, so it works great. Switches can have trouble, but they find a way to deal with it. Submissives will talk in a number of ways depending on their personality and training. One common habit is to use the rules above for any word referring to a person. I am commonly asked, "How are You doing today Sir?" or "May i be of service to You Sir?" In a room full of people you will see sentences like: "How is E/everyone doing ...

Being a Dom comes naturally to me; I have a constant urge to push people, seem to have some skill at it, and enjoy doing it. That said, some parts of the job are harder than others. One of the hardest, and most important to do correctly, is reading and understanding a sub. The kind of play that I enjoy involves creating a sense of powerlessness. That means making a sub do things they don't want to do. I will apply all sorts of pressure such as charm, pain, guilt, fear, frustration. Sometimes I even use force. This is fun for me, and if I do it right, it'll scratch that deep down submissive itch inside of them. If you push a sub too far however, or push them the wrong way, things can get ugly fast. You have to be constantly reading your sub when you are playing, looking for those subtle (or not so subtle) clues about their mood. The signs that people show vary widely, and mean different things. Some people beg, some people cry, some people talk, some people even laugh, and...

Starting out as a Dominant isn't easy for a lot of reasons, but the hardest thing for me was learning to deal with the guilt. I have always had a strong moral code, and like to believe that I'm a decent person. Accepting that I not only enjoy, but actually need to make others suffer to be happy in life was really tough for me. From talking to other Dom/mes, I know that I'm not alone. A submissive has to admit that they enjoy being tormented for the pleasure of another. This is not easy either, but it's not a selfish pleasure. A sub is doing it for someone they care about. It is a noble gift, strange to an outsider perhaps, but it's not like they're hurting anyone. I hurt people. I enjoy pushing someone to do the uncomfortable, to sacrifice their own pleasure for the sake of my own. What I do is clearly unreasonable in a free society that values equality. This was difficult for me to deal with many years ago, but I got over it. I forced myself past it. A tr...