Fiendish Confessions

Social anxiety is something I have struggled with for my entire adult life. It doesn't prevent me from living a life that is mostly normal, but it can be a nuisance. Every now and then I'll have a reaction that's more unpleasant. For whatever reason, kinky gatherings cause an extremely strong reaction for me. In spite of that, my wife and I recently attended our first kinky meeting. It was a small gathering I found on fetlife for kinksters attending a convention. We were dressed as characters from an anime, but that was encouraged in the invitation. It was really great. Everyone made an effort to talk to us and make us feel welcome. Starting out with a group that was nerdy like us also helped. I felt safe, and comfortable. It was exactly the kind thing I want to do regularly, except that getting there was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not talking about the standard shyness that anyone might feel. The wiring in my brain started malfunctioning almost con...

It's been exactly one year today since I started this blog, and so far I am thrilled with the results. A lot has happened in the last year. We had a great run with C, got to try lots of new things and made a really good first effort at training a houseboy. I made some new friends, though I also lost some. On the whole, in both kink and my personal life, things have improved. Speaking purely in terms of statistics, this blog has been successful. I'm currently getting around 300 page views a month, which is way better than my professional blog. Over 80% of the visitors to this site come from links in my profiles and posts on various forums, 8% come from searches, and about 5% comes from users subscribed to the rss feed. Of my 15 posts, the one with the most clicks was Guilt . I've got a long way to go before I'll be the biggest site on the Internet, but it's not bad for my first year. The most rewarding aspect of blogging has been the comments I've received...

I lost a dear friend last night over what was ultimately a stupid argument. We both said things that I wish we hadn't, but it's done now, and there isn't much chance of things going back to the way they were. Though I'm upset about it, the experience has made me realize the value of friendships in this lifestyle. It is important to have close friends like him, as well as a feeling of belonging with a broader community. It would be easy to think ourselves crazy for the desires we have. In fact, I did when I was young. Finding others who shared my desires was a big part of accepting who I am. I'm lucky to belong to a couple of online groups full of friendly people to socialize with. We also need something more intimate; close friends we can open up to. Sometimes you need a second opinion about some crazy idea, or a strange desire. Even just talking about what you're doing can be extremely valuable. I didn't realize how important this was to me before I ...

When spending time online in chat rooms and forums you get to meet people with varying attitudes and opinions. I get along with most, and am usually not bothered by beliefs even radically different to my own, but there are some exceptions. For example: this notion that submissives are somehow inferior or unworthy of basic rights, and dominants are magically smarter, wiser, better, and entitled to anything we want. First of all, it's not sincere. I like humility in a submissive, but if they honestly believe they are worthless then they should be getting professional help. As I've mentioned before , I prefer submissives that are confident and strong. Constant self-deprecation becomes tiresome quickly. Being told that I am superior is also a nuisance. I work hard to be a good Dom. I work hard to be good in my career, to be good to my wife, and to be a better person generally. I'm proud of who I am, but I'm a long way from being a superior being. I like to be appreciat...

I spend a fair bit of time chatting online in kinky forums. It's a good way to meet people and learn about the lifestyle. It's not so good for finding people to play with, but that's another post. Most kinky forums share a common etiquette for naming: Dominants use upper case letters (ex: TheDom) submissives use lower case letters (ex: thesub) square brackets and curly braces indicate collaring (ex: thesub{TD}) I see this used pretty much everywhere: chat rooms, dating sites, news groups. It's logical and easy to understand, so it works great. Switches can have trouble, but they find a way to deal with it. Submissives will talk in a number of ways depending on their personality and training. One common habit is to use the rules above for any word referring to a person. I am commonly asked, "How are You doing today Sir?" or "May i be of service to You Sir?" In a room full of people you will see sentences like: "How is E/everyone doing ...