There are two rules that I require for everyone I play with. I apply them online, and and real life, making sure to discuss them seriously before getting into anything beyond flirting. They are not always easy, but they are important to me, so I will not play with anyone who will not follow them.
Rule #1: You must always be honest with me.
As a dominant, it's my responsibility to protect those that I play with. When I push someone physically and emotionally, I need to make sure that they are within their limits. It's is essential that I be able to ask questions like, "does your jaw hurt?" or "how are you feeling?" and get an honest answer.
One subtlety here is that I'm not promising to be honest in return. It's not my intention to be deceitful, but sometimes it's fun to play with a subs brain as well. For example, I might adjust the clocks before letting a sub out of sensory deprivation, or set out a scary toy that I don't plan to use during play.
Rule #2: If you are ever in danger of permanent physical or mental damage, you must do everything you can to protect yourself, even if it requires you to break another rule or order you've been given.
This is the last line of defense protecting those that I play with. I work hard to make sure that it's never necessary to use it, but if the unexpected happens, I don't want there to be any doubt about what to do.
I have been told that these are basic common sense. They seem that way to me too, but I still want to have the conversation, especially when I am getting to know someone. It's even more important when playing online where I can't always tell what's happening.
One difficult aspect of these rules is that they're not optional. When I start getting serious with someone, I need to make sure they really understand that. Perhaps a shoulder aches, but they want to impress me, or keep the scene going. With more experience together I might have the confidence to push past minor aches and annoyances, but if I'm responsible for safety I need to know about it and make the decision for myself.
Talking about safety is not always fun, but it is important. All of the experienced kinksters I know take it seriously as well. If you're submissive, and you find a Dom/me that doesn't want to talk about safety, I would suggest you keep looking.
Rule #1: You must always be honest with me.
As a dominant, it's my responsibility to protect those that I play with. When I push someone physically and emotionally, I need to make sure that they are within their limits. It's is essential that I be able to ask questions like, "does your jaw hurt?" or "how are you feeling?" and get an honest answer.
One subtlety here is that I'm not promising to be honest in return. It's not my intention to be deceitful, but sometimes it's fun to play with a subs brain as well. For example, I might adjust the clocks before letting a sub out of sensory deprivation, or set out a scary toy that I don't plan to use during play.
Rule #2: If you are ever in danger of permanent physical or mental damage, you must do everything you can to protect yourself, even if it requires you to break another rule or order you've been given.
This is the last line of defense protecting those that I play with. I work hard to make sure that it's never necessary to use it, but if the unexpected happens, I don't want there to be any doubt about what to do.
I have been told that these are basic common sense. They seem that way to me too, but I still want to have the conversation, especially when I am getting to know someone. It's even more important when playing online where I can't always tell what's happening.
One difficult aspect of these rules is that they're not optional. When I start getting serious with someone, I need to make sure they really understand that. Perhaps a shoulder aches, but they want to impress me, or keep the scene going. With more experience together I might have the confidence to push past minor aches and annoyances, but if I'm responsible for safety I need to know about it and make the decision for myself.
Talking about safety is not always fun, but it is important. All of the experienced kinksters I know take it seriously as well. If you're submissive, and you find a Dom/me that doesn't want to talk about safety, I would suggest you keep looking.
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