CatInACage posted this question on a forum I sometimes visit:
This was my answer:
This is a question I've heard asked again and again and again. I haven't tried to convince someone to be my keyholder before, but I have been in relationships with vanilla partners, and I think the principles are the same.
The sad and difficult reality is that most people don't have it in their nature to be dominant. More people are submissive, but even that isn't something that can be forced. You can fall in love with someone that isn't kinky, but unless they have it in them, you won't be able to make them kinky.
I have seen people pretend to be dominant because they love their submissive partner. Usually the submissive ends up giving instructions. The "Dom" becomes an actor, uncertain and uncomfortable. It is frustrating, it creates guilt and stress. It's not fun, or satisfying at all in the way that kink can be.
Sometimes, as is the case with thumper, the partner may actually have a dominant nature, and once they become comfortable they start to enjoy it. This seems to be rare. Being a good dominant is something one needs to learn and practise, but I don't think it's something that anyone can learn. It's really hard to be cruel to someone you care about.
You can try it, and hope for the best. Maybe you'll get lucky, and discover that he is one of the rare few that enjoys it. But be aware that trying could damage your relationship beyond repair.
If you don't want to risk it, or if you give it a shot and it doesn't work, you might be able to ignore your desires and try for a vanilla life. There are lots of people out there who have done this successfully.
Or maybe you're like me; the kind of person that needs kink in your life to be happy. If you are, and your partner can't provide that, then you may not be able to find happiness without moving on.
I've been in a relationship with my partner for just over 2 and a half years now. I've been pretty well into the kink of life, but he's rather vanilla about sex. Unfortunately, we don't actually have it very often. In fact, out of the 2 and a half years we've been together, we once went a whole year plus without sex; the rest of the time, it's been an average of bi-monthly to quarterly. He's just not a very sexually-oriented individual, and that's fine.
But the problem is that I'm 10 years his junior and CONSTANTLY horny. I joke about sex frequently with him. I try not to make a big deal of it. But the reality is, I miss that intimacy. The funny thing is, I also miss chastity as well. I had a CB3000 that my then-Master bought me for my birthday about 3 years ago (before I met my partner), and I absolutely adored it. But then the stabiliser pins broke and I had to discard it, which really disappointed me.
I really think that exploring chastity with my partner could help strengthen our sex life, but I don't know how to ask him. Any advice on the matter would be hugely appreciated.
Thank you, in advance, for any help you can offer.
This was my answer:
This is a question I've heard asked again and again and again. I haven't tried to convince someone to be my keyholder before, but I have been in relationships with vanilla partners, and I think the principles are the same.
The sad and difficult reality is that most people don't have it in their nature to be dominant. More people are submissive, but even that isn't something that can be forced. You can fall in love with someone that isn't kinky, but unless they have it in them, you won't be able to make them kinky.
I have seen people pretend to be dominant because they love their submissive partner. Usually the submissive ends up giving instructions. The "Dom" becomes an actor, uncertain and uncomfortable. It is frustrating, it creates guilt and stress. It's not fun, or satisfying at all in the way that kink can be.
Sometimes, as is the case with thumper, the partner may actually have a dominant nature, and once they become comfortable they start to enjoy it. This seems to be rare. Being a good dominant is something one needs to learn and practise, but I don't think it's something that anyone can learn. It's really hard to be cruel to someone you care about.
You can try it, and hope for the best. Maybe you'll get lucky, and discover that he is one of the rare few that enjoys it. But be aware that trying could damage your relationship beyond repair.
If you don't want to risk it, or if you give it a shot and it doesn't work, you might be able to ignore your desires and try for a vanilla life. There are lots of people out there who have done this successfully.
Or maybe you're like me; the kind of person that needs kink in your life to be happy. If you are, and your partner can't provide that, then you may not be able to find happiness without moving on.
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