We were having a great night, celebrating our twelfth wedding anniversary. We pulled the car over on the way home from dinner so we could watch the sun set. A couple years before this would have been no big deal, but now, having even this tiny bit of quiet privacy was a special treat.
My parents were babysitting our young son. It was the first date night we'd had in maybe half a year. Could it really be that long? How the time has flown by...
I can still picture the puffy little clouds on the horizon, back lit by a tranquil pink sky. I was staring furiously at them because I was flooded with anxiety. We were talking about our sex life. This had been a source of much pain and frustration for most of our marriage, if I'm honest. Things had not magically improved since becoming parents.
She was telling me how she wished I would play with her more. I preferred to think of us as a dominant couple; whenever I thought about playing with her, I would be overcome with guilt and fear. I like BDSM obviously, as does she, and playing can certainly be fun, but sometimes it doesn't end so well. I would worry about upsetting her, about disappointing her, about pushing her too much. I would be afraid to really use her, and she would be disappointed because she could feel me holding back. We have weathered a lot of storms over the years, but sometimes it feels like one more good one could be our last. Is it really worth risking everything we have for a bit of sex?
It's a lucky thing that we were in a car somewhere. At home I would have found any excuse to get out of there. Of course this was important to me, and I cared deeply for her happiness, but the anxiety is a real thing too, and it's hard sometimes. This particular subject was always hard, but this time I couldn't run away, so I faced it head on.
As is usually the case with anxiety, the anticipation was far worse than the actual thing. Once we really started talking about what we were feeling, the real issue was actually pretty simple. I love her very much, and want to make her feel happy and loved. My style of domination is the opposite of this, and it seemed unfair for me to do the opposite to her to amuse myself. What I didn't really understand until that night, or maybe was afraid to believe, was how very much she wanted to make me feel happy and loved too...
I have also been getting turned off by scene-based play lately. Gags and nipple clamps are fun, but the thing I've really been craving is deeper and longer lasting. Training someone, controlling their orgasms, and getting deeply into their head. I had never imagined that she would be up for that, but I finally started to understand that she actually really was. So I asked her, "Do you want to become my sex slave?"
She turned so brilliantly red, and began staring furiously at the clouds... Suddenly I was grinning, and my anxiety was melting away.
She must have already considered the question, because it didn't take her long to agree.
That was months ago now. We don't have a lot of free time, so we have been taking it extremely slowly. It's been really good regardless. What used to be a minefield of anxiety and disappointment is now a magical wonderland where any wish can come true. It's all about my pleasure, and a lot of nights the thing I want most is to get off and fall asleep.
We are slowly pushing further and deeper, but the important thing is that I feel no pressure. Why should I bother pushing myself? We're both having fun, and we have the rest of our lives to explore.
To be continued. . .
My parents were babysitting our young son. It was the first date night we'd had in maybe half a year. Could it really be that long? How the time has flown by...
I can still picture the puffy little clouds on the horizon, back lit by a tranquil pink sky. I was staring furiously at them because I was flooded with anxiety. We were talking about our sex life. This had been a source of much pain and frustration for most of our marriage, if I'm honest. Things had not magically improved since becoming parents.
She was telling me how she wished I would play with her more. I preferred to think of us as a dominant couple; whenever I thought about playing with her, I would be overcome with guilt and fear. I like BDSM obviously, as does she, and playing can certainly be fun, but sometimes it doesn't end so well. I would worry about upsetting her, about disappointing her, about pushing her too much. I would be afraid to really use her, and she would be disappointed because she could feel me holding back. We have weathered a lot of storms over the years, but sometimes it feels like one more good one could be our last. Is it really worth risking everything we have for a bit of sex?
It's a lucky thing that we were in a car somewhere. At home I would have found any excuse to get out of there. Of course this was important to me, and I cared deeply for her happiness, but the anxiety is a real thing too, and it's hard sometimes. This particular subject was always hard, but this time I couldn't run away, so I faced it head on.
As is usually the case with anxiety, the anticipation was far worse than the actual thing. Once we really started talking about what we were feeling, the real issue was actually pretty simple. I love her very much, and want to make her feel happy and loved. My style of domination is the opposite of this, and it seemed unfair for me to do the opposite to her to amuse myself. What I didn't really understand until that night, or maybe was afraid to believe, was how very much she wanted to make me feel happy and loved too...
I have also been getting turned off by scene-based play lately. Gags and nipple clamps are fun, but the thing I've really been craving is deeper and longer lasting. Training someone, controlling their orgasms, and getting deeply into their head. I had never imagined that she would be up for that, but I finally started to understand that she actually really was. So I asked her, "Do you want to become my sex slave?"
She turned so brilliantly red, and began staring furiously at the clouds... Suddenly I was grinning, and my anxiety was melting away.
She must have already considered the question, because it didn't take her long to agree.
That was months ago now. We don't have a lot of free time, so we have been taking it extremely slowly. It's been really good regardless. What used to be a minefield of anxiety and disappointment is now a magical wonderland where any wish can come true. It's all about my pleasure, and a lot of nights the thing I want most is to get off and fall asleep.
We are slowly pushing further and deeper, but the important thing is that I feel no pressure. Why should I bother pushing myself? We're both having fun, and we have the rest of our lives to explore.
To be continued. . .
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