Fiendish Confessions

We were laying in bed, about to go to sleep. I was tired, but I also wanted an orgasm. The terms of our new deal were pretty clear, but it had only been about a month, so I felt uncertain demanding sex out of the blue. As equals, there would have been foreplay, and both of us working to make each other happy. I was far too tired for any of that, but I didn't want to sneak off to the other room to masturbate either. I decided to take a chance. I just rolled onto my back and told her to start fucking me. Influence is this invisible capacity we all have to make someone else do something. Understanding the amount of influence we have with each submissive is a crucial part of domination. Every time we use our influence, if we are successful, we get more. The more we have, the more we can make a submissive do. But any time we fail, it gets weakened. This force is the most delicate at the beginning of any kinky relationship. It's hard to know how much we have, and any failure can...

We were having a great night, celebrating our twelfth wedding anniversary. We pulled the car over on the way home from dinner so we could watch the sun set. A couple years before this would have been no big deal, but now, having even this tiny bit of quiet privacy was a special treat. My parents were babysitting our young son. It was the first date night we'd had in maybe half a year. Could it really be that long? How the time has flown by... I can still picture the puffy little clouds on the horizon, back lit by a tranquil pink sky. I was staring furiously at them because I was flooded with anxiety. We were talking about our sex life. This had been a source of much pain and frustration for most of our marriage, if I'm honest. Things had not magically improved since becoming parents. She was telling me how she wished I would play with her more. I preferred to think of us as a dominant couple; whenever I thought about playing with her, I would be overcome with guilt and fe...

If someone offered you a pill that would make you happy with a vanilla sex life, would you take it? This is a question I like to ask myself sometimes, but the answer I give myself is always the same: no. I must admit, sometimes it's tempting. The temptation now is maybe the highest it's even been... I've been experiencing something of a long winter. The last time I played with a sub in person was just over 2 years ago. The last time before that was in 2013. Kink is a powerful mechanism for me to purge the crap I accumulate in life, and being unable to use it is hard. This lifestyle has been hard on me generally. I have spent far more time frustrated than happy. I've had my heart broken again and again, searching for something that I can never seem to find. As the time stretches on, I start to wonder if I ever will find it. And then I start to wonder if I would even be happy if I did. It's been so long now, I worry about meeting someone and freezing up. What ...

Whenever a sub comes into our home, they go through the same ritual. After being buzzed in the front door, they come up the stairs and enter our apartment without knocking. The door won't be locked, but they are to lock it after they come in. They don't announce that they've arrived, and we don't welcome them in. Right there at the entrance they will find a large plastic box that has been set out for them. Still silent, they remove everything they are wearing and put it in the box. Everything they own: wallet, phone, even shoes go into the box. Their entire life gets put away for their visit. The box is closed, and left there by the door until we are done. Now that they are ready, they wait on hands and knees with eyes on the floor. Sometimes I'll let them wait a bit, but I'm often too excited to wait for long. This is when I might say hello. Now that they are naked, I am willing to interact. We may exchange a bit of small talk, or I might place a collar a...

There are two rules that I require for everyone I play with. I apply them online, and and real life, making sure to discuss them seriously before getting into anything beyond flirting. They are not always easy, but they are important to me, so I will not play with anyone who will not follow them. Rule #1 : You must always be honest with me. As a dominant, it's my responsibility to protect those that I play with. When I push someone physically and emotionally, I need to make sure that they are within their limits. It's is essential that I be able to ask questions like, "does your jaw hurt?" or "how are you feeling?" and get an honest answer. One subtlety here is that I'm not promising to be honest in return. It's not my intention to be deceitful, but sometimes it's fun to play with a subs brain as well. For example, I might adjust the clocks before letting a sub out of sensory deprivation, or set out a scary toy that I don't plan to use ...

Social anxiety is something I have struggled with for my entire adult life. It doesn't prevent me from living a life that is mostly normal, but it can be a nuisance. Every now and then I'll have a reaction that's more unpleasant. For whatever reason, kinky gatherings cause an extremely strong reaction for me. In spite of that, my wife and I recently attended our first kinky meeting. It was a small gathering I found on fetlife for kinksters attending a convention. We were dressed as characters from an anime, but that was encouraged in the invitation. It was really great. Everyone made an effort to talk to us and make us feel welcome. Starting out with a group that was nerdy like us also helped. I felt safe, and comfortable. It was exactly the kind thing I want to do regularly, except that getting there was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not talking about the standard shyness that anyone might feel. The wiring in my brain started malfunctioning almost con...

A few years back I noticed that my dominant impulses become different depending who I'm talking to. My desires, tone and personality can all change a fair bit. Even the kinks that interest me can vary. It's as if I become a different dominant with every new sub that I meet. These changes only appear when I get to know someone. The more compatible they are, the more attached I become, the stronger the impulses become. When I meet someone I really click with, I can't help myself; I itch to torment them. If we haven't agreed to play, it can be difficult for me to wait. It seems supernatural. As I get closer to someone, the right buttons seem to stand out on their own. I've always believed that intuition is a big part of attraction, so it's not unimaginable to me, but it might be hard to believe if you've never experienced it yourself. Some of the best Dom/mes I know experience the same, so I know I'm not imagining it. These impulses often line up with...